


Legally Out of Place

by webhead3019



Category: Legally Blonde - All Media Types, The Addams Family (Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2020-10-21 13:47:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20694557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/webhead3019/pseuds/webhead3019
Summary: Before becoming a student of law and even before she became a sorority girl, Elle Woods took a babysitting job for the Addams on accident.





	Legally Out of Place

Gomez said, “She was utterly demented, a true psychopath. One false move and she would surely kill me. This much I was certain. There was only one thing left to do.” Fester interrupted with a sneer, “Electroshock therapy.” Gomez corrected, “Make her mine.” Wednesday asked, “Did you at least use aphrodisiacs?” Gomez confirmed, “Oh, yes. Although, your mother was already well under my hex by then. How she swooned and foamed!” Morticia stroked Gomez’s cheek and purred, “Oh, mon cher. Had you not done that, you’d be ever the hopeless romantic.” Gomez directed to the children, “Which is precisely why your mother and I must leave to renew the failing establishment that is marriage!”

Morticia said, “Your babysitter will arrive once the second hand strikes the witching hour.” A bell chimed followed by a baby sparrow which sprung out of the cuckoo clock and fluttered its separate way. Gomez shouted, “Ah, speak of the Devil!” Pugsley referred his sister by shoulder tap to which she assigned, “Yes, piglet?” He wondered, “Why do we need a babysitter if Uncle Fester never leaves the house?” Wednesday answered “You’ll find that out once you‘re no longer ripe of age.” Pugsley clicked, “Oh, gotcha!” Morticia announced, “Imps, your new babysitter has arrived. Do try not to lock this one in the freezer if you can so help it. With heavy bearings on my heart, it is my parental duty to inform you of such matters.”

Morticia concluded, “If you do this, your father and I will be nowhere near the premises to stop you. We’ll be back once we’re inebriated enough to operate our transportation the correct way, so ta ta for now.” Gomez pursued, “Couldn’t word it better had I tried, bubele! Arrived the time for ghoulish festivities have, so with that, I must also bid you adieu!” Without a second’s delay, both parents were out the door and in the cold draft of their departure pushed the babysitter. The babysitter had fashioned herself head-to-toe entirely in pink, fur, and glitter. The young, clearly sorority-bound girl took off her pink-rimmed sunglasses and introduced herself, “First name Elle, last name Woods! Wow, this is like... so not Delta Nu.”

Pugsley critiqued, “Her entrance stands out. What do you think of our new sitter?” Wednesday answered spontaneously, “I hate her already.” Pugsley proposed, “Too much pink?” Wednesday agreed, “Far too much. Could she be anymore obvious?” Elle Woods at once attempted to be sociable. She asked curiously, “What’s with the black getup? Are you dressed for a funeral?” Honest to the tee, Wednesday answered, “Usually.” Before she knew it, Elle was all over her as she exclaimed to Wednesday, “Oh, sweetie! You‘re the most adorable thing! Do you want a hug?” Wednesday asked, “Do you want to die?” Elle took the rejection without so much as a pause. Elle immediately turned to Pugsley and asked, “And what’s your name, little dude?”

Wednesday spoke for him, “The piglet’s name is Pugsley and that’s not all. Don’t worry, because you can hug that one.” Elle asked, “Can you assure me he won’t bite though?” Wednesday acknowledged, “He hasn’t fed in far too long, but I can assure you he can’t bite... yet. He’s missing a few pearls.” Pugsley bore his grill, to which Elle nodded and said, “Hmph. Growing boy.” Pugsley asked, “You do know I can speak for myself, right?” Wednesday sarcastically quipped, “Oh, my. I didn’t realize baby farm animals could speak!” Elle Woods took her gaze back to young Wednesday Addams again and commented, “Um, wow. Can I like, compliment you, sister?” Wednesday denied, “Hell, no. Go away, diva.”

Elle said, “Those Lolita heels are to die for. I mean, I personally wouldn’t because I never watched Polanski, but they are so you.” Wednesday groaned, “Ugh. Thank you, Elle. You have no idea how much your empowering statement means to me. My eyes are literally on the verge of watering with appreciation. It’s a shame I can’t do anything that will drain my head of its fluids... because thats a mess I would rather make by bullet.” Under the pretense that she had listened thoroughly, Elle Woods smiled and said, “I knew I could cheer you up. Me and you are going to get along just fine, sister.” Wednesday rolled her eyes and sighed. She walked away as Elle proceeded to talk to the wall.


End file.
